Family lawyers and judges have identified words that they believe are harmful to family relationships and have called for an end to their use in family separation cases. The Family Solutions Group, established by Mr Justice Cobb in 2020, marked the first anniversary of no-fault divorce reforms by highlighting the damaging effects of language in family disputes.
The group conducted workshops over the past three months, where 400 professionals, including solicitors and judges, were asked to identify words they felt were harmful to family relationships. The list included words such as “custody,” “versus,” “battle,” “opponent,” “rights,” “parties,” and “dispute.” The group also identified words such as “entitlement,” “50:50,” “judgment,” “primary carer,” “fight,” “access,” “my client,” and “applicant” as harmful.
The most helpful phrases identified by the group included the use of first names, collaboration, problem-solving, together, our children, and co-parenting. A separate survey of 228 respondents found that 86% of them strongly agreed that using plain language instead of legal jargon would be helpful, while 76% thought that using first names rather than terms such as “applicant” would be better.
Despite efforts to remove harmful words like “custody” from society and the media, they remain commonplace. The use of “fighting talk” in the context of family separation escalates family problems, putting children at risk. The term “custody battle” suggests a tug-of-war between parents for control of their child, with parents pulling against each other. This approach is outdated and harmful to children, unhelpful for parents, and ultimately damaging to society.
The Family Solutions Group has published a “Language Matters” paper, which aims to make family law easier to understand, less hostile, and more accessible. The group has also been supporting the ongoing work of the Family Law Language Project, which seeks to change the language used in family law to a more problem-solving approach.
Changing the language used in family disputes requires a shift in mindset and breaking the habit of using harmful words. The group believes that formal guidance from the judiciary may be needed to change the language used in family law. The impact of language on families who separate is often overlooked, and it is essential to recognise that fuelling aggression and battles between parents increases the risk of harm to their children.
In conclusion, the use of harmful words in family disputes is damaging and needs to change. The Family Solutions Group’s work in identifying and calling for an end to the use of harmful words is an important step towards making family law easier to understand, less hostile, and more accessible. Changing the language used in family disputes requires a shift in mindset, and the group’s efforts to support the ongoing work of the Family Law Language Project are commendable. It is essential to recognize the impact of language on families who separate and to use language that promotes a problem-solving approach rather than one that stokes the fire of a battle.
What To Do Now
If you are considering divorce or separation, family mediation can be a valuable tool for resolving disputes in a fair and amicable way. By working with a trained mediator, you can find solutions that meet the needs of all parties involved, without the need for lengthy and costly court battles.
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