Family Mediation

Family mediation gives separating couples and families a calm, structured way to resolve disputes about children, property and finances without going to court. This guide explains exactly how the process works, step by step, and what you can expect at each stage.

If you would rather talk it through, call 0333 567 1676, email mediators@wemediate.co.uk, or send a confidential message.

How Does Family Mediation Work? The Process at a Glance

Family mediation follows four clear stages:

1. Your MIAM. An individual first meeting where the mediator explains your options and assesses whether mediation is suitable.
2. The invitation. If you choose to proceed, the mediator invites the other party to attend their own MIAM.
3. Joint mediation sessions. Both parties meet, with the mediator, to work through the issues and find common ground.
4. Reaching agreement. The mediator records what you have agreed in a written summary, which can be made legally binding through the court if you wish.

Most cases are resolved in a small number of sessions. The sections below explain each stage in more detail.

A Note on the April 2024 Rule Changes

On 29 April 2024 the Family Procedure Rules in England and Wales changed to place much greater emphasis on resolving disputes away from court. Mediators must now explain all forms of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR), which includes mediation, arbitration, neutral evaluation and collaborative law. The courts can also pause proceedings to allow these options to be explored, and may order costs against a party who unreasonably refuses to consider them. In practice, this means the courts now expect you to have genuinely tried to resolve matters out of court before litigating, and the family mediation process is the most established way to do that.

Step 1: The MIAM

The MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) is your first official meeting with a family mediator. It is held with you alone and is both confidential and legally privileged.

During the MIAM the mediator will discuss the issues in your case and your options, including whether mediation is appropriate in your circumstances and which other forms of NCDR might suit. They will also take down your details and those of the other party, so it helps to have these available. You can read more on our MIAM page.

At the end of your MIAM, if the mediator considers your case suitable, they will ask whether you wish to mediate. Mediation is always voluntary. If you would prefer to apply to court, the mediator can issue the certificate you need to do so.

Remember that the mediator is completely impartial. They cannot take sides, and they cannot give legal advice to either party. Even if you intend to go straight to court, you must still complete a MIAM to obtain your certificate, unless a valid exemption applies.

Step 2: The Invitation to Mediate

If you decide to mediate, the mediator will contact the other party to invite them into mediation and to attend their own MIAM.

Because your MIAM is confidential, the invitation simply asks the other party to make contact. Following a discussion with you, it may set out the general nature of the proposed mediation, such as child arrangements, property, finance, or all issues.

Depending on the contact details available, the mediator may write by post or email, or telephone the other party. Post or email is usually preferred, as it gives the other party time to consider the invitation and take legal advice before replying. The mediator will always seek a reply as soon as possible, so that sessions can be arranged quickly, or, if the other party declines, so that any court certificate can be issued without delay.

Step 3: Your Mediation Sessions

Once both parties agree to mediate and both MIAMs are complete, the joint sessions can be arranged. Sessions usually last one and a half hours and are attended by both parties.

All of our mediation sessions are held over a confidential, encrypted video link (Zoom), so neither party needs to travel or take significant time off work. Both of you can attend from wherever you feel most comfortable.

If either party prefers, the session can be “shuttled”, which is facilitated using virtual waiting rooms so that neither party sees or hears the other. Shuttled mediation is usually discussed at the MIAM, but the mediator will always confirm with both parties that it is the agreed approach for the session. The session belongs to you and the other party. With the mediator’s help, it is for you both to set the agenda and agree how the session will run.

The mediator will keep both parties focused on the issues and will treat the first session as “day zero”. The emphasis is on being civil, looking to the future rather than rehearsing the past, and, where children are involved, keeping their welfare at the centre. Everyone makes mistakes; mediation is concerned with future conduct, communication and planning.

Where finances or property form part of the discussion, both parties will need to make full, honest and transparent financial disclosure. If this applies, the mediator will have explained the disclosure process during the MIAMs.

Step 4: Reaching an Agreement

A successful mediation ends in an agreement. You may have agreed on every issue, as is common, or on some, with a plan to revisit the rest later.

Where child arrangements are involved, you might agree a trial period and return to mediation as it ends, to firm up a longer-lasting arrangement.

When you reach agreement, the parties usually ask for a Memorandum of Understanding, drafted by the mediator. This sets out the details of what was agreed during the sessions. It is signed by the mediator, sent to both parties, and, like the MIAM and the sessions, is confidential and legally privileged.

A Memorandum of Understanding is not, in itself, legally binding, though the courts strongly encourage parties to honour what they have agreed. If you would prefer a binding arrangement, you can instruct a solicitor to convert it into a consent order for approval by the court.

Where the agreement involves property or finances, you may also ask for an Open Financial Statement. This follows the full financial disclosure made during mediation and is signed by both parties as a true and accurate reflection of their finances at the time. A supplemental fee applies for drafting these documents; your mediator will explain this.

Why Choose Mediation Over Court?

Mediation is usually faster, far less expensive and much less stressful than contested court proceedings. It puts the decisions in your hands rather than a judge’s, keeps matters private, and, where children are involved, helps preserve a workable relationship for the future. For most families, it is the most constructive way to move forward.

Frequently Asked Questions About the Mediation Process

How long does the family mediation process take?

Most cases are resolved in a small number of sessions over a few weeks, though it depends on the issues and how readily agreement is reached. This is usually far quicker than contested court proceedings, which can take many months.

How many mediation sessions will I need?

It varies, but many families complete mediation in two to four sessions of one and a half hours each. The mediator will give you a clearer idea once they understand the issues in your case.

Is family mediation legally binding?

The Memorandum of Understanding produced at the end of mediation is not, by itself, legally binding. If you want a binding arrangement, a solicitor can convert it into a consent order to be approved by the court.

What if the other person refuses to mediate?

Mediation is voluntary, so the other party can decline. If they do, the mediator can issue the certificate you need to apply to court. Since April 2024, a party who unreasonably refuses to consider mediation may face costs consequences in court.

Do both parties attend the mediation sessions together?

Yes, joint sessions are attended by both parties with the mediator. If preferred, sessions can be “shuttled” using virtual waiting rooms, so neither party sees or hears the other.

Can the whole process be done online?

Yes. We hold MIAMs and mediation sessions online or by telephone, so neither party needs to travel or take significant time off work.